Port Hedland has officially snatched the crown from Kalgoorlie-Boulder, being voted in as WA’s Sh**test Town.
Kalgoorlie-Boulder has won the past three years, however Port Hedland won the dubious award for a single point this year, taking their debut title for the WA division.
In a brutal statement from the Sh**test Town of Australia organisers, the Port Hedland is described as a “derelict minerals discharge hole”, painting images of a mate in a sandpit after a big night, spitting out whatever comes.
“The iron anus owes its name to its turd-brown eyesore of a port… and its inhabitants’ inability to spell,” the statement read.
“Cattle and sheep farming was once a major industry for the town, but this ended when the animals all withered to a crisp. The only fauna able to survive Port Deadland’s intense heat are creatures like red-necked stints, red-necked avocets and red-necked people.”
The locals call their home the sunniest place in Australia — a great feat — however they sadly forgot to coat the surroundings in Banana Boat.
This has resulted in the landscape being deep-fried and sun-dried to a dusty brown colour, not unlike the inside of a plumbing pipe.
The engineers were focused on other things that day because the road layout is reminiscent of a circular maze; going in circles but never really arriving anywhere.
And when cyclone season hits, the spectacular drainage system clogs in record time, allowing roads to flood superbly and locking everyone inside.
Currently the town is best known as an iron-ore hub and a spawning point for FIFO workers.
“Popular pastimes include racing wheelbarrows, smashing people’s solar panels and being hospitalized with a respiratory infection caused by iron ore dust,” STOA added.
Later this year Port Hedland will represent WA for a chance to win the national trophy.
In third place for WA came Fitzroy Crossing, followed by Armadale, Rockingham and Geraldton.
Perth came in at 11th place for the State.
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