Three children under the age of four walked out of a childcare center in Perth’s south and were found playing on a footpath, prompting a fine for the operators of the service.
Service provider ES5 Ltd, trading as Buggles Child Care Beeliar, was ordered to pay $22,000 and $2000 in costs by the State Administrative Tribunal for contravention of education and care service laws.
A Department of Communities investigation found that in August last year the children left the center through an outdoor gate.
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A mother who was leaving after collecting her child noticed the children and ushered them back inside.
The investigation found educators at the center had noticed the gate left open more than once during the day and failed to notify the responsible person.
They also failed to ensure the gate was securely locked while the center failed to notify the Department of Communities Education and Care Regulatory Unit about the incident within the required 24 hours.
“This is the ninth time over the past two years where disciplinary action has been taken against a service where children have left the service unattended, and staff have been unaware of them leaving,” Department of Communities Executive Director Phil Payne said in a statement on Friday.
“Childcare service staff must focus on active supervision of children in their care.
“Checks around outdoor areas should include a physical, not just visual, check of gates to ensure they are securely locked.”
In other unrelated incidents, a Mandurah center was ordered to pay $20,000 in penalties and costs after four young children climbed through a fence and were found on the verge of a four-lane highway, in August 2020.
While in November that year a childcare center at Thornlie left a two-year-old girl unsupervised on a bus for almost two hours.
Victoria’s only dedicated parenting and care support line has been given an 11th-hour reprieve from being shut down.
Key points:
At an emergency meeting, staff were told an earlier decision to close Parentline had been reversed
The service employs about 30 counselors and receives about 1,000 calls a month
The ABC was told some staff had already accepted redundancy packages
Parentline counselors were told in an online meeting three weeks ago the service would close next month after the Victorian government with drawn funding, despite no consultation with staff or the union.
The service has been operating for 22 years.
The ABC understands some counselors had already taken redundancy packages and started looking for new jobs.
But following inquiries from the ABC, counselors were called into an emergency meeting at 7pm yesterday and told the government funding would continue for another 12 months.
The future of the service remains uncertain, with the state government saying it would undertake a review of the service to see if it was continuing to meet the needs of the community.
If the funding cut had gone ahead, Victoria would have been the only state in Australia without Parentline, which provides parents with confidential counseling and support seven days a week.
Parentline was regularly recommended alongside Lifeline and BeyondBlue for parents needing mental health support during the pandemic.
Service ‘a lifesaver’
Counselors were furious with the initial decision to shut down Parentline, and had accused the state government of abandoning vulnerable families who use the service and the children behind the calls.
Former minister for child protection Anthony Carbines, who currently holds the police, crime prevention and racing portfolios, made the decision to close the Parentline service in June without consulting with counsellors, the ABC has been told.
Recently appointed Minister for Child Protection Colin Brooks has since been in discussions with the Community and Public Sector Union and was involved in the last-minute decision to reinstate the funding.
Parentline has been operating in Victoria for 22 years.(Supplied: Pexels)
Jack* has used Parentline for close to three years after his marriage broke down and was anxious after he heard the service would be closing.
“I was seeing a traditional counselor who suggested this would be a good service and I have since run twice a month in all forms of distress,” he said.
“The counselors are very helpful in providing advice, there are a lot of uncertainties and anxieties being a sole parent and they have helped me engage with my child and communicate with my partner.”
“They are absolutely a lifesaver for some people.”
The state government said its 12-month review of Parentline would examine what alternative platforms may be available.
“Our priority continues to be keeping children safe and families strong,” a government spokesperson said.
“The Parentline Program is continuing to operate and we thank its dedicated staff for their tireless effort and support of Victorian families, parents and carers.”
‘Grave error’ to close service amid mental health system crisis
One counselor at the service, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said the attempt to shut Parentline, which receives more than 1,000 calls a month, was a “serious error”.
“It is difficult to understand an attempt to close Parentline at a time where mental health systems are not able to meet post-pandemic demand and the mental health royal commission recommends the need for services such as Parentline,” they said.
The worker said many counselors have worked in private practice and a lot of the work Parentline does cannot be achieved in counseling settings.
“Instead of a parent coming to an appointment in a settled way, we speak to them when they are often distressed, fearful, angry or crying,” they said.
“The work we do supports parents at times when they risk blowing up the relationship with their child and they desperately need intervention at that moment.”
Community and Public Sector Union team leader Andy Capp said the service employed around 30 counsellors.
“The union is fully behind the continuation of Parentline, we see it as an invaluable service to parents in Victoria,” he said.
“If the decision of the former minister were to stand then Victoria would be the only state in Australia without a dedicated parenting support service.”
The union said while the government recommend other resources for families including Orange Door, Maternal and Child Health Advice Line and Lifeline, they do not provide the same counseling support for parents.
Kyle Sandilands has welcomed his first child in dramatic circumstances, abandoning his live radio show to make it to the hospital in time for the birth.
The shock jock and his fiancee Tegan Kynaston, 36, are now proud parents to a baby boy they have named Otto.
Kyle Sandilands and Tegan Kynaston announced they were expecting in February. Credit: Instagram/TheWest
Sandilands, 51, was broadcasting from his home studio when he had to walk out of The Kyle and Jackie O show when he realized the baby was on its way.
“I think I might have to leave the show… and go to the hospital,” he said.
Jackie O responded: “Oh, it’s time!”
“Calm down, we don’t want the kid coming too soon,” Sandilands responded. “Guys, I’m so sorry. I feel very unprepared. I’ve got to run
… I feel like I’m abandoning you, but I’m there for my child.”
Seconds later he was off air and Jackie O was left to host the show on her own. Not long after, though, she was able to share the happy news with her listeners that the birth had gone smoothly and the little one had arrived healthy.
“If you’ve just tuned in, little Otto has been born. It’s so hectic – I feel like I can’t think straight!” said Jackie O, who is Otto’s godmother.
Sandilands later phoned into the show, sharing some fairly graphic details about the birth.
“I cut the cord, I didn’t realize it was like tough calamari and blood spurted out. I was the first person to touch him, he sh*t himself, poo was oozing out,” he added.
And, he’s not planning to take too much time out to enjoy new fatherhood, with his manager confirming he will be back on his radio show on Friday to talk about his son and the birth.
Sandilands announced he and Kynaston were expecting their first child in February, with Jackie O admitting at the time she “never thought I’d see the day where Kyle would become a dad.”
“I know I’ve always sounded like I’m against children but when you think, ‘Oh, do you want to have your own child’, and you meet someone and you think, ‘Oh, yeah, I do want to have a child’,” Sandilands said.
Sandilands and Kynaston got engaged in Queensland over the Christmas holidays.
As Serena Williams prepares to farewell the sport she dominated for two decades, an Australian coach has revealed the lengths young players on the women’s tennis tour are going to so they can have long careers without interruption.
Key points:
Serena Williams said one of the reasons she will be retiring soon is because she wants another child
Williams used 45-year-old NFL quarterback and father of three Tom Brady as an example of men who do not have to make that choice
Australian coach Rennae Stubbs says some young women on tour are freezing their eggs to have kids after their careers
Williams flagged in a Vogue article titled Serena’s Farewell that she was not far away from ending her tennis career, hinting that it may be after the US Open, which starts at the end of the month.
The 23-time major winner said “something’s got to give” for a number of reasons; partly because she turns 41 at the end of September, partly because of her many business interests that are a full-time job in their own right, and partly because she wants to have a second child.
Williams, who was two months pregnant with daughter Olympia when she won her last major, the 2017 Australian Open, pointed out that while she “loved every second of being pregnant” it was unfair that she had to choose one or the other while most male athletes do not.
“I never wanted to have to choose between tennis and a family. I don’t think it’s fair,” she said, pointing to 45-year-old father of three Tom Brady, who retired as an NFL quarterback and then un-retired last off-season.
Space to play or pause, M to mute, left and right arrows to seek, up and down arrows for volume.
Rennae Stubbs on the choice women have to make around tennis careers and parenthood
“If I were a guy, I wouldn’t be writing this because I’d be out there playing and winning while my wife was doing the physical labor of expanding our family.”
Former doubles world number one Rennae Stubbs told Radio National Breakfast that many players on the WTA tour were exploring fertility options early in their careers so they could play tennis for a decade or more without missing their window to have kids.
“I know players who want to have children, who want to have a family, have [frozen] their eggs, because they want to play until their mid-30s or 40s,” Stubbs, who coached stars Sam Stosur, Karolína Plíšková and Eugenie Bouchard, said.
“And there’s so much money in tennis now, they want to keep going and they can sustain themselves and their families.
Rennae Stubbs (left) has coached a number of players on the women’s tour, including former world number one Karolína Plíšková (right).(Getty: Chris Hyde)
“So they freeze eggs so they can have kids later on in life. But think about Tom Brady or Roger Federer or Rafa [Nadal] now; you can have children and keep playing because you’re not the one birthing it and taking nine months to have the child and then the recovery after the child.
“There’s no question that it’s way more difficult for women. No question about it.”
It is not only globe-trotting tennis players who have made the decision, with WNBA stars Sue Bird and Breanna Stewart, English Super Netball player Geva Mentor and USWNT forward Sydney Leroux speaking openly about their egg retrieval processes.
In a post on the Reproductive Health and Wellness Center’s website about UFC fighter Carla Esparza freezing her eggs, the Orange County-based IVF and fertility experts wrote that the procedure is becoming increasingly “popular with young professional women who lead busy, active lifestyles and don ‘t want to run the risk of waiting too long before starting their family for fear of egg viability.”
“Women in the professional athletic field often face the risk of fertility issues frequently, as the nature of intense athletic professions may put women at a higher likelihood of irregular ovulation,” the website reads.
“Women who exercise frequently and/or are athletes are often at risk for irregular ovulation and fertility issues later in life due to the intense physicality their bodies are put through. When their bodies are physically strained, the brain will not stimulate the ovaries in a normal way.
“For those who have a passion for intense exercise or make it their primary job, having to keep fertility in mind while also keeping one’s body as fit as possible is a difficult balance.”
Returning to sport after having a baby
AFLW superstar Erin Phillips and Australian fast bowler Megan Schutt have both continued playing while their partners gave birth to their children in recent years.
But tennis and other sports are full of women who sat out long periods of their athletic prime to start a family, with comebacks sometimes yielding further success and sometimes not.
Belgian great Kim Clijsters stepped away while ranked in the top five in 2007, had her first child the next year and made a triumphant return, winning three more major titles from 2009 to 2011.
Williams herself has been strong but not her usual dominant self since coming back in early 2018, having endured a difficult birth with Olympia, including a pulmonary embolism and postpartum depression.
Having played in all but two of the 10 major finals leading up to her break from tennis, winning six titles in the process, Williams has reached four deciders since her comeback and has been unable to win one to reach the record 24 singles titles won by Margaret Court across the amateur and Open eras.
Coincidentally, on the same day Williams’s Vogue article was released, 41-year-old Australian basketball legend Lauren Jackson was named in the Opals’ squad for the World Cup, which starts in September.
Jackson stepped away from the game in 2016 and raised her two sons, before making a comeback earlier this year.
Basketball Australia (BA) has had a spotty record with working mothers at times, engaging in a childcare dispute with Abby Bishop, who has custody of her sister’s child.
BA initially said Bishop would have to pay for flights, care and accommodation for Zala, leading to Bishop taking time away from the national set-up until the dispute was resolved in 2015.
In 2012, at 34 years old,I left my investment banking job and retired early with a net worth of $3 million. Currently, I live in San Francisco with my wife and two young children.
But since 1977, I’ve regularly traveled back and forth to Hawaii, where my parents have been retired for 15 years. They have a simple life with a modest budget, living off retirement savings and a government pension — thanks to the three decades they spent working in the US Foreign Service.
Seeing my parents live their dream, we want to follow suit. Our plan is to move to Hawaii by 2025. Between my parents’ experience and my own, I’ve learned a lot about the ins and outs of retiring in Hawaii.
Our consensus it’s the perfect place to retire by the beach — although there are still a few downsides to keep in mind.
Many financial experts suggest maintaining a 4% withdrawal rate to ensure that your investments last throughout retirement.
The median household income in Honolulu County, for example, is $88,000. If someone wanted to withdraw that $88,000 from their assets each year, they’d need about $2,200,000 in investments to withdraw at a rate of 4%.
But that’s just one example. How much money you need depends on where you’d like to live, your standard of living and your expected income.
If you can comfortably live off $42,500 a year, have a pension or can file for Social Security, you can have a lower net worth and less income-generating investments at the beginning of your retirement journey.
The downsides of retiring in Hawaii
Before you start your beach retirement plan, beware of these three biggest downsides first:
If you want to retire in Hawaii, consider buying a small condo or rent, rather than purchasing a single-family home. The average rent for a 594 square foot apartment is roughly $2,042, according to RentCafe.
2. Expensive groceries and gas
According to a 2021 report by the Missouri Economic Research and Information Center, Hawaii’s grocery prices are the highest in the nation.
For example, I’ve paid $8.99 for a gallon of whole milk on Oahu, whereas in San Francisco, it’s about $6. And while Hawaiian-grown mangoes are delicious, they can cost about $6 each!
Further, if you like to drive, Hawaii has unusually high gas prices. The average price per gallon in the state today is $5.41 and is continuing to rise, according to AAA, while the national average is $4.03.
3. You may feel claustrophobic
It only takes about four hours to drive around the 597 square miles of Oahu. Although the island does hold about one million people, in my experience, it can still feel small.
And with the pandemic continuing to make air and ship travel unappealing, it is possible that you could feel a bit stuck at times, without those options at your disposal.
The benefits of retiring in Hawaii
Yes, it’s expensive. But if you’re curious what it could be like to retire in Hawaii, here are some surprising perks:
My parents worked in Washington DC, Paris, Guangzhou, Kobe, Taipei and other big cities before retiring in Honolulu. They’ve found their Hawaiian lifestyle to be incredibly relaxing compared to all the other cities they’ve lived in.
2. Top-rated healthcare
The United Health Foundation also ranks Hawaii as the third healthiest state in the country. And according to US News’ list of Best States for Health Care, Hawaii takes the top spot.
I’m not surprised. Hawaii has beautiful weather nearly year-round, public beaches and parks, a variety of locally grown and raised food, and great access to preventive medical and dental treatment.
If you’re looking for a more healthy and active lifestyle, you can certainly find it in Hawaii.
3. ‘Ohana’ means family
An important part of Hawaiian culture is the care and nurturing of family and friends, or “ohana.” I’ve observed that nearly everywhere you go, whether it’s to a restaurant or to the mall, things are set up to be a family-friendly experience.
Plus, it’s not uncommon to have multiple generations under one roof in Hawaii. While my wife, children and I probably won’t live in my parents’ house, we hope to rent or buy nearby.
4. Tremendous diversity
Hawaii topped the list of states that have the most diverse population in the country, coming ahead of California and Nevada, according to data from the US Census Bureau.
5. Decent tax advantages
Hawaii ranks as having one of the lowest property tax rates in the country, at an average of only 0.28%. If you have a Federal pension, it’s exempt from state income tax. And the sales tax rate is a reasonable 4% to 4.5%, versus 7.25% to 8.25% in California.
However, Hawaii also has one of the highest state income tax rates, topping out at 11% if you make over $200,000. If you make between $48,001 and $150,000, you pay a state income tax rate of 8.25%.
If we move, we’d sell our home here and pay cash for a property in Honolulu that’s around 40% cheaper. We’d then reinvest the house savings into real estate crowdfunding, dividend stocks and REITs to increase our passive income for retirement.
Instead of needing $300,000 a year in passive investment income to fund the lifestyle we desire, $150,000 to $200,000 is probably plenty in Honolulu.
But more than that, with my parents in their 70s, I’d like to spend as much time with them as possible. Hawaii just feels like home.
Sam Dogen worked in investing banking for 13 years before starting Financial Samurai, his personal finance website. His new book “Buy This, Not That: How to Spend Your Way to Wealth and Financial Freedom” is out now. Follow him on Twitter @financialsamura.
Melbourne university student Grace has two gay dads and one mum.
Growing up in this “modern Australian family”, she spends one week with her dads, Anthony and Chris, and the next with her mum, Jane.
“Grace is the real benefit here,” Anthony tells 7Life.
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“She gets each of us with 100 per cent of our batteries charged.”
While on paper it may seem like the parenting trio have nothing but differences, they are in fact the very best of friends.
Grace (centre right) with her two dads Anthony (left) and Chris (right) and her mum Jane (centre left). Credit: Supplied
“Every birthday, every Christmas, every crisis – we are all here for Grace,” Chris smiles.
It takes a village
After 14 years of marriage, Anthony and Jane divorced amicably.
With their beloved Grace to consider, the pair vowed to put their marriage breakdown aside and make their daughter their top priority.
“Jane and I made the decision that, no matter what our feelings were, Grace would always come first,” Anthony says.
So, their daughter spent half her time with her mum and the other half with her dad – and all the while, Jane and Anthony remained close friends.
Grace counts both of her parents as “biological.” Credit: Supplied
But two years later, Anthony met Chris at the gym – the romantic spark catching both men off guard.
Neither Chris nor Anthony was openly gay.
“I was confused for 30 years,” Chris shares about his sexuality.
Anthony was also coming to terms with his new-found attraction to Chris.
The couple entered a romantic relationship and both slowly came out to their nearest and dearest.
Anthony recalls the moment he nervously introduced his new boyfriend to his ex-wife.
“Jane welcomed Chris with open arms. She instantly brought him into the fold,” he says.
Anthony and Chris have just launched a skincare line to help banish teen bullying. Credit: Supplied
Chris also remembers the angst of introducing his male partner to his large Greek family.
“I remember my first Christmas, my family were just coming to terms with me coming out just a few months before,” he explains.
“I was like, ‘This is my boyfriend Anthony, his daughter Grace, oh and his ex-wife, Jane’.”
Despite their apprehension, Chris and Anthony were warmly embraced – and Chris was instantly welcomed as a co-parent to Grace.
For her part, the youngster beamed with delight over her “two dads.”
“Grace and I would strut down the aisles of the supermarket like supermodels,” Chris smiles.
Anthony adds: “There was so much change for Grace. First mum and dad split up and now dad has a new boyfriend. It was a lot.”
Like any family, the blended unit had ups and downs – with Grace often trying to sway the parenting situation in her favour.
“There was a lot of, ‘Well, mum said I could do that’ sort of thing,” Anthony says.
“But because we are so close, I would just call up Jane and ask her.”
Before long, Grace understood the parenting dynamic – and was proud to claim Chris as her “other” father.
Two dads, one mum
For her early education, the parents opted to place her in a “progressive school” where other children also engendered diverse family units.
“It was great. She wasn’t the only one at school with two gay dads,” Anthony says.
But as Grace grew older, she began meeting people outside her “bubble” who had conflicting opinions on her home-life situation.
Anthony and Chris have been together for 13 years. Credit: Supplied
“We realized that this sort of support doesn’t exist all over Australia, and even all over the world,” Anthony says.
severe bullying
Seeing Grace come home with questions about the family unit deeply resonated with her two dads.
Having kept their sexuality secret for so long, for fear of ridicule and rejection, both men had experienced bullying growing up.
“Chris was teased because he was fat, I was teased because I was too skinny,” Anthony reveals, adding he endured three years of name calling because he wore a back brace for scoliosis.
But for Chris, the bullying went far deeper.
Every day at lunch, school bullies would consistently throw cruel jibes, including branding him fat and a nerd.
The constant taunting built ever up in Chris’ mind and, as a teenager, he became suicidal.
The unique family unit are hoping their skincare line can raise awareness for differences. Credit: Supplied
The trauma of his adolescence remained with him well into adulthood.
One day, he was triggered at work and the playground trauma resurfaced.
He was recently diagnosed with PTSD as a result.
“Bullying starts because of differences and labels,” Anthony says.
making a difference
Luckily for Grace, she didn’t share the same experience, although some of her friends did.
During COVID-19 lockdowns, feelings of isolation among her cohort grew.
“Grace was telling us how people were going,” Anthony says, adding that the parents were horrified to hear her speak of her peers’ experiences with anxiety and depression.
The men couldn’t bear the thought of any child suffering through feelings similar to their own at that age.
According to research by social analyst company McCrindle, three in five students have reported bullying – a statistic the fathers just can’t fathom.
All proceeds for Unlabelled go towards charity. Credit: Supplied
So they wanted to try to make a significant contribution towards youth suicide awareness and prevention programs.
They decided to launch a non-for-profit skincare company – and give 100 per cent of the profits to the cause.
“We want to celebrate everyone’s differences and embrace them,” Chris says.
“The more you expose people to differences, the less confronting it becomes.
“And we want kids to be proud of who they are, and their own differences.”
As the pair began early work for the project, they turned to Grace for inspiration.
The unique range of body wash, hand wash and soap inspire each user to embrace their true self. Credit: Supplied
“Grace said, ‘Dad if I want to kiss a girl I want to kiss a girl, if I want to kiss a boy I want to kiss a boy, and I don’t people to label me,’” Anthony says.
So the idea of naming the brand Unlabelled was born.
Everything for the products is sourced and made in Melbourne.
All profits from every purchase of Unlabelled go directly to one of Anthony and Chris’ four chosen charities: Headspace, Kids Helpline, the Black Dog Institute or Qlife.
Journey isn’t over
Chris and Anthony hope their not-for-profit work, and their personal story, will help others embrace ways of life that might be different from their own.
After all, they say, Grace, her mum and her two dads aren’t that different from every other Aussie family.
From their family group chats, to dinner once a fortnight, Jane, Anthony and Chris will always share one thing in common – their immense love for their daughter.
If you need help in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. For further information about depression contact beyondblue on 1300224636 or talk to your GP, local health professional or someone you trust.
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Annabelle is encouraging others to live life to the fullest.
Annabelle is encouraging others to live life to the fullest.
I never was the entrepreneurial type. But after losing my job as an audio engineer in 2009, I had to get creative to make ends meet.
Thirteen years later, at age 39, I’ve built two online businesses that earn me a combined $160,000 a month in passive income. I also recently published a book, “How to Get Paid for What You Know.”
The first business I started was The Recording Revolution, a music and education blog that sells music production courses. The second, which I started in 2018, teaches people how to make money off their passions, like I did. It’s the most lucrative business, thanks to online course and coaching program sales, as well as affiliate commissions.
Graham Cochrane started his first business in 2009. Since then, he’s scaled two online companies and now grosses about $120,000 per month.
Photo: John Olson for CNBC Make It
Around 2,800 people use my products, and my goal is to help more entrepreneurs grow their online businesses while working fewer hours.
My top priorities are spending time with family and being able to give back, so I’ve set up my work and personal life to be able to focus on those key values.
Here’s what my typical day looks like:
Mornings start slow and easy
I usually wake up at 5 am — before the kids — because I always want an hour to myself. I’ll start with coffee and my Bible.
After some reading, praying and journaling, I’ll make breakfast with my wife and wake the kids. We’ll spend 20 to 30 minutes eating together in the kitchen before I drop them off at school by 7:30 am
Then I head back to my home office, or do a quick gym session if I’m in the mood.
Graham and his wife have breakfast with their children in the morning before talking through their schedule.
Photo: John Olson for CNBC Make It
I work just five hours a week — Mondays and Wednesdays
On Mondays, I plan and create YouTube videos and podcast episodes. Potential customers usually find me through this free online content. If they like it, they can sign up for my newsletter and get emails about free resources and premium online courses.
I make a chunk of passive income from these courses. I’ve designed my business system to automatically send emails, so the bulk of my work is just to maintain a steady flow of new, free content.
Recording videos and podcasts takes about two hours. I also have someone who edits and uploads the content. My remaining hour on Mondays is dedicated to answering emails or giving advice to members of my Six-Figure Coaching Community.
On Wednesdays, I spend time on community interaction, then host a 90-minute live call with my advanced business coaching students.
Graham spends about five hours a week creating content and managing his businesses.
Photo: John Olson for CNBC Make It
Once a month, I film an exclusive training for members of my paid community which adds about two extra hours of work per month to my schedule.
I’ve never been a fan of the hustle culture; I don’t believe it’s healthy or wise. If you can find a way to build systems into your business so that it mostly runs on its own, you don’t need to waste time doing constant upkeep.
After all, what’s the point of “being your own boss” if you’re working all the time?
Family time is my No. 1 priority
People often ask me what I do with all the extra time in my week, and my answer isn’t the most exciting. I run errands, hit the gym, go to the car wash, have coffee or lunch with a friend, or dive into a good book. Right now, I’m reading “Living Fearless” by Jamie Winship.
But most importantly, I spend time with my family. Fridays are considered as “date days” with my wife. We work out, go out to lunch, catch up on life, talk about the kids, and meet with our marriage counselor.
Lately, we’ve been focusing on how to communicate better when we have disagreements. No marriage is perfect, and the work I’ve put into our relationship has made me a better husband and father.
My wife and I never compromise on picking up the kids from school together. We want to be home when they are. Our other non-negotiable is family dinner. We sit down to a tech-free dinner every night. Most evenings, my wife cooks and I do the dishes. But we also eat out a few times a week.
“My schedule has two non-negotiables,” says Graham: “I pick my daughters up from school every day, and our family eats dinner together every night.”
Photo: John Olson for CNBC Make It
We love going out for walks, swimming in the pool, watching movies or playing Nintendo Switch with the kids. By spending time together, we hope to teach them essential life skills like how to share feelings and be kind to each other. I also want them to feel like valuable, included members of the family.
We’re big on traveling, too — both locally in Florida and around the world. A few summers ago, we spent a month in the South of France. And just this spring, we stayed in Puerto Rico for three weeks. Having the time and flexibility to make these kinds of memories together is priceless.
Radical generosity a core value
We attend church every Sunday, and often do volunteer work with local organizations that help the unhoused population in our city.
My philosophy is that I make this money so that I can give most of my profits away to charities and my local church, groups that are doing a lot of good in the world.
Right now, my wife and I donate 30% of our income, but we are hoping to eventually give away 50%.
Lately, whenever my son and I are driving in the car, I put down all four windows and cry “wind bomb!” It’s a new game I invented, where the winner is the person who has the last window to go up.
Spoiler alert: it’s usually his window.
I love fun! Fun is a big part of who I am. So — why is it that I can’t stand imaginary play or role play of any sorts?
Go on the trampoline with him, sure. Boardgames, love too.
I recently even mimicked a scene from the show Is It Cake? for my son’s fifth birthday — I positioned six plates around the table with bananas on them. One of the bananas is actually a cake.
Yet when my son asks: “Do you want to play with me?” Inside, I cringe. Outwardly, I probably cringe too.
Is it real or is it cake? I’m happy to play games with real life props. One of these is a cake made by Alisha Rose Sweets.(Supplied: Mikki Cusack)
Why do I hate it so much?
If I dread imaginary play so much, is there something wrong with me? I sought an explanation from the millennial parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy.
Based in the US, the clinical psychologist is best known as Dr Becky, parenting expert and podcast host.
She reassures me: “it’s OK to not like play.”
Phew. But what does that mean, and what can I do about it.
“Do you want to be this one, or this one?” my son asks me, holding up two of his toys from him.
In his mind, there is only one right answer: I always play his least favorite transformer toy, Boulder the Rescue Bot.
Imaginary play feels stiff, and it bores me. I’m not sure why I don’t enjoy it, but I really, really don’t.
My heart races. Time stands still, and I feel as though it’s Groundhog day, with a dictator at the helm.
“Nothing is wrong with you,” says Dr Becky. “Realizing that it’s okay to not like play, or pretend play is the single most important thing that will help you engage in more play.”
“That’s the number one thing that will help you engage in it more easily.”
Dr Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist, mother of three, and founder of the breakthrough global parenting community, Good Inside.((Supplied: Melanie Dunea) )
It’s all about boundaries
Play matters to kids, and it’s important for their development and early education so it’s about finding the right way — and right time — to make play work for you and your family.
Jumping into play is all well and good, if you have the time and energy. But as many parents experience, much of the time you’re tired, burnt out and have a million other things to do.
We can’t all be a Bandit Heeler from Bluey.
“You’re allowed to not play with your kid,” Dr Becky says.
“You can say you’re not available.”
One tip for parents is to set time limits on how long they can play for. We all go about our everyday business doing things that we don’t like to do. It’s true — I hate cleaning, but I still do it.
I try it out. “I can play for 10 minutes today,” I say. It doesn’t sit well with him, and I duck a few blocks to the head.
I try again: “I love playing with you, but that’s all the time I have today. I’m sorry, I wish it was longer too!” This works better.
Putting your phone away is also crucial. Think about it — if you’re talking to someone who has their head slumped down checking social media, how would you feel? If you were out with your mate, and they constantly checked their phone, would you feel annoyed?
It’s hard not to resonate with this tip. We’ve all felt annoyed by someone on their phone.
Building my play muscle
My son loves role play so I want to find a way to make it work for us both.
There are various strategies and ways to approach play, and I’ve tried following Dr Becky’s suggestion that I try to repurpose play for myself.
scene: We’re sitting outside and we have just crash landed onto a desert island where a giant anaconda lives.
“Water, food and shelter.” That’s what I tell my five-year-old we need.
My mind is searching for what the other thing humans need to survive but I can’t remember. I need to wrap this game up somehow.
“Mayday, mayday — SOS,” I shout.Eventually, we are “rescued”, I can wrap up the game and breathe a sigh of relief.
Later, I turned the pretend play into a lesson. We learned together that ‘mayday’ is derived from the French word m’aider which translates loosely to ‘help me’. After that, we practiced how to make an SOS signal by tapping with our fingers on the kitchen bench.
By bringing learning and information into the role play, I found it more tolerable.
So next time he asks me to play, I will try not to scream: “MAYDAY, MAYDAY!” but instead think of the French meaning, and look at the situation how I can help met both mine, and my child’s needs.
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