“His mum, she doesn’t sleep well. We hope he is somewhere.”
Di immigrated from China to Australia with his family as an eight-year-old boy, before settling in Melbourne’s southeast where he attended Dandenong High School before working alongside family as a plasterer.
In December 2000, a fire gutted the Hampton Park home he shared with his mother and stepfather. Investigators said when the family learned the fire was likely caused by a stray cigarette, Di felt responsible.
In the months that followed, he moved to his father’s Dandenong South home but became increasingly depressed and withdrawn before vanishing in February 2001.
Hayes, a detective with the Dandenong Criminal Investigation Unit, said an extensive police investigation had failed to locate the 21-year-old, with police even reaching out to their Sydney and New Zealand counterparts after potential sightings were reported.
No bank activity or movements using his passport have ever been found or any confirmed sightings.
“He blamed himself for the fire and there was a lot of stress on the family at that time,” Hayes said.
Solving the case really lies in the hands of the public now. Somebody out there must know something. Someone must have spoken to him since.”
As part of National Missing Persons Week, launching today, the faces of eight long-term missing persons – including Di – will feature on buses and other public billboards in an attempt to help find answers.
The campaign called Without Them, aims to help people identify with the missing and consider their own response to having a loved one disappear.
There are currently more than 2,500 long-term missing persons in Australia with 53,000 reports made across the country in 2021 alone.
This year, about $2.5 million worth of donated space, including billboards and buses, will be emblazoned with the photographs of the eight missing persons put forward by each state and territory.
Acting Assistant Commissioner Jason Kennedy, from the Australian Federal Police, said the annual week of action aimed to raise awareness of the issues surrounding such cases including the endless unanswered questions left behind.
“I encourage all Australians to take a look at the profiles of our long-term missing, share the posts and keep the families of those missing in your thoughts,” Kennedy said.
Naomi Busbridge, whose brother Paul Baker went missing from the Northern Territory in August last year, said the fallout for families was heart-wrenching.
“There are so many questions and no answers. You wonder why, you wonder where, and you wonder if you will ever see them again,” Busbridge said.
“You wonder if this will ever end or whether it will be like a giant void… forever.”
For more information visit www.missingpersons.gov.au.
Our Breaking News Alert will notify you of significant breaking news when it happens. Get it here.
“Given the political dynamic – and they have an 11-seat [buffer] – they’ll end up doing mostly a defensive campaign,” Samaras said.
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“But it’s going to be a really difficult campaign for the Labor and Liberal parties. The traditional political landscape where most of the contest is in the sandbelt [such as Carrum, Frankston, Bentleigh and Mordialloc] you have changed.”
He said while Bentleigh, which has changed hands at every election since 2002, has become a safer seat for Labor, the newly created electorate of Pakenham in the south-east, which the party might once have expected to comfortably win, could now fall to the Liberals or an independent.
Labor’s “target seat strategy” is likely to anger some MPs and candidates who might not receive as much financial support from party headquarters.
But the ALP learned a difficult lesson in 2010, when it made the mistake of spreading its resources too thin and not identifying target seats to direct its campaign efforts to.
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The Labor government ended up losing what many considered an unlosable election because, among a range of factors, the leadership team were trying to protect all 55 MPs.
Former federal MP Alan Griffin’s post-mortem of the 2010 election result found Labor was so overconfident it did not set a “Brisbane line” – a reference to rumors the Menzies government was prepared to abandon the north of Australia if Japan invaded in World War II . In political terms, it refers to identifying seats a party will take resources from to save others.
“Labor went into the state election believing that it would win … as a consequence Labor ran a very conservative campaign,” Griffin’s review notes.
“It kept all marginal seats in the frame. No Brisbane line was set. A number of hard calls were not made. Resources were not adequately focused on the key battleground seats where the election would be won or lost. Labor took very few risks. It ran a tight budget ship.”
A Labor figure familiar with the 2010 election strategy said the party could not afford to make the same mistake it made more than a decade ago, and head office needed to make tough but necessary decisions.
“You try to be nice to everybody [all sitting MPs]but people can raise their own money for their own campaigns,” said the Labor source speaking on the condition of anonymity to freely discuss internal matters.
“At the end of the day, the bottom line is you’ve got to win government and not defend things you can’t defend.”
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The party is concerned about the upcoming poll’s parallels with the 2010 election: both long-term governments contesting a state election shortly after a federal poll, and both governments had recently dealt with a crisis – the Black Saturday bushfires in 2009 and the COVID-19 pandemic respectively.
And while the Brumby and Andrews governments were both ahead in the published opinion polls 12 months out from polling day, the race tightened as the election drew closer.
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Strings of seashells, coils of red feathers and dolphin teeth are traditional currencies that are used to say “I love you” in parts of the Solomon Islands.
The shells play a significant role in traditional bride price ceremonies, which are used to mark when a woman leaves her family to settle with her husband.
But for Australian-based Solomon Islander Terry Wong, tracking down the shell money for his bride-to-be — my sister Azalea — was no easy feat.
For generations, strings of shells have been used to trade and settle disputes, long before cash was introduced.
Shell money is still used in provinces including Malaita, Makira and Guadalcanal and families often have a treasure box of the currency hidden in their homes.
Solomon Islands is home to a range of traditional currencies, and some are easier to find than others.
Some provinces use large disc-shaped clam shells called “bakiha”, while others use dolphin teeth or red feather money.
While the red feather money from Santa Cruz Islands in the eastern part of the country is no longer in use after the small scarlet honeyeater bird became difficult to find, dolphin teeth and shell money are still commonly used.
To create shell money, the seashells are broken, smoothed and collected in strings of 10 to form a “tafulia’e”.
The different lengths of string have different value and a single tafulia’e can be worth anywhere between $100 and $500.
Dancing, music and shouting on the big day
On the day of the bride price ceremony, Terry and his family arrive at our home in Honiara in a convoy of vehicles to a chorus of tooting horns, laughing and shouting, and we welcome them with plenty of music and dancing.
It’s a big deal for Azalea’s loved ones, who have come out in large numbers to witness her bride price and farewell her with traditional dances.
Terry’s family bring items to pay the bride price: live pigs, bags of rice, root crops, traditional mats and a small black box of shell money — the most valuable item of all.
“It was a hard time [finding the shell money] but we just endured it,” Terry says.
“It’s for someone I love and also, as shown today, my family loves her too.”
Terry’s family is from the province of Temotu in the eastern part of the Solomons. It’s closer to Vanuatu and shell money isn’t part of their culture.
Terry’s grand uncle Solomon Palusi says finding the shell money was “very difficult but wasn’t impossible.”
“We tried our very best to take the shell money.”
It’s for people like Terry that a shop has recently opened in Honiara’s Chinatown, selling shell money for cash, targeting three of the nine provinces in the country that use the traditional currency.
Why is shell money so hard to find?
Shell money shop owner Mary Sifoburi is from Langa Langa in Malaita province, a community known for crafting the currency.
“Basically, the process of making shell money involves 10 steps before the product comes to completion,” Mary says.
The shells are smoothened and ground flat before a small drill is used to create a hole in the center of the shell, and a tuna tin is used as a makeshift scale to weigh them.
“In the past it would take two to three days because of the manual drill used. But now with the introduction of the new drill, a person can drill three to four tins [worth] per day,” Mary says.
The shells are placed on hot rocks to change color before final grinding is done.
It’s not an easy task and it can take up to two weeks to find a single shell.
“There are different kinds of shells involved in the process of shell money, so we have black shells, white shells and red shells,” Mary says.
The harder the shell is to find, the higher the value.
“For now, I can say that the value is based on the people who produce the shells but because right now… we do not have any standard regulations to guide the value of the shells, the prices vary,” she says.
Concerns currency will fall out of circulation
Father of the bride Steve Aumanu has noticed the monetary value of shell money shift over the decades but the cultural value has so far endured the test of time.
“It’s being commercialized, the value of the shell is called by those who produce it and those who are price takers, we don’t have much choice,” he says.
With shell money now so difficult to find and its price increasing, community elders fear it will some day lose its place in the three provinces.
“I don’t know whether it will cease to be recognized but for the time being, the value has been ascending,” Steve says.
Back at the bride price ceremony, the bride stands with her cousins on traditional mats called “kaufe”, which in the Malaitan custom recognizes her leaving her family home with dignity and pride.
An honoring ceremony of Azalea’s closest aunties and grand aunties also takes place where the groom’s side hands over monetary gifts in red envelopes that reflect Terry’s father’s Chinese heritage.
The moment of truth
The most anticipated part of the ceremony comes when the bride’s father either accepts or declines the bride price from the groom’s side — there have been instances where it has been rejected.
But not this time around.
During the ceremony, more than 20 tafulia’e are given to the bride’s father by the groom’s father.
“Traditionally when there’s a marriage ceremony between two people, that’s a significant event in the life of a family or tribe and this one is no different,” Steve says.
“When we are all together to witness, it’s a manifestation of a great valuable cultural undertaking.”
And on the occasion of my sister’s bride price ceremony, the enduring value of the shell money and the traditions that come with it, are clear.
The start of a new parliament with a new government brings many changes: new faces, new policies, and new offices that even veteran politicians can have trouble finding.
The first sitting week under the new Labor government was marked with ceremonies, celebrations and signs of what may be to come in the next term.
Take a look at the first week in action for the 47th Parliament.
It began as always with a church service
Parliament officially opened with a Welcome To Country
The new government took their seats for the first time
And the opposition found theirs too
There were many fresh faces
And some familiar ones
There was one especially fresh face in the senate
We saw an early sign of change on parliament’s lawns
And a new climate bill that could prove contentious
AIan Andersen has been collecting and recording specimens of Australian ant species for 40 years with about 8,000 of them glued to cardboard triangles in a government laboratory in Darwin in the country’s far north.
Each year hundreds of specimens are added to the collection, most of them likely new species that don’t even have formal scientific names.
When insect scientists talk about the world’s hotspot for ant diversity – the place with the highest number of species – they often point to the savannahs of Brazil and the Amazon rainforest.
But Andersen, a professor, ant expert and ecologist at Charles Darwin University, says the true global center for ants is Australia’s monsoonal north, which stretches from the Kimberley in Western Australia to the Northern Territory’s top end and north Queensland in the east.
“Ants are a major part of Australia’s natural heritage,” Andersen says. “We realize what a special place this is for marsupials, and for lizards. And before. We are the kingdom of the ant.”
Andersen’s latest research with colleagues has, he says, added further proof of Australia’s claim to be the global capital for ants.
The research looked at specimens of one group of ants called Monomorium nigrius that has only one species formally described in the scientific literature.
But after genetic analysis of 400 specimens, the scientists estimate there are likely 200 different species in the group just in the monsoonal north of Australia, and another 100 across the rest of the country.
“Ant ecologists will say ant diversity is highest in the Amazon – there can be more than 2,000 species there,” he says. “But here in monsoonal Australia we have at least 5,000.”
Andersen and colleagues wrote that their latest findings were “further evidence that monsoonal Australia should be recognized as a global center of ant diversity.”
‘Unbelievably abundant’
Andersen and his ant-searching colleagues are used to discovering entirely new species in their hundreds.
A few weeks ago, Andersen was walking a path in the Iron Range national park on Queensland’s remote Cape York peninsular with PhD student François Brassard.
One 4mm brownish ant caught his eye. To Andersen, it was clearly a type of last night – an uncommon genus in Australia.
“It had this look about it,” says Andersen, who took it back to his lab. The ant was an Anochetus alae – and only the second time it had ever been found (the first occasion was in Cairns in 1983 and was used years later to formally describe the species).
Andersen has been analyzing specimens collected bycolleagues from 100 spots around the Sturt Plateau in the Northern Territory.
The results aren’t published yet, but Andersen says they’ve so far counted about 700 species and about half have never been recorded before.
Brassard is Canadian, and has studied ants in the US and in Macau and Hong Kong. He was skeptical that Australia could top the Amazon for ant species, but not any more.
“In Canada we have about 100 species of ant,” he says. “But we’ll find that many in just a few acres around here. The sheer diversity is unreal. It just seems there’s new stuff everywhere.”
Ants are often collected using pitfall traps – a shallow plastic dish dug a few centimeters into the ground which contain a preservative. Andersen uses ethylene glycol, better known as antifreeze.
His record is 27 species in one 4.5cm wide trap left out for two days in the Northern Territory’s Kakadu national park.
It’s a measure of the sheer numbers of ants in the country.
“People wouldn’t even notice them despite the fact they’re unbelievably abundant around Australia,” he says. “You can have dozens of colonies in an area that’s only 10 by 10 meters.”
Ants play a critical role in ecosystems. They both create and turn over soil, they disperse seeds, some defend plants, and they’re all food for other animals.
If you could weigh all the world’s land-based fauna, Andersen says about 20% of the mass would be taken up by ants.
“They are serious creatures in our environment,” he says They are gun nutrient recyclers. They play an incredibly important role in the flow of energy and nutrients through ecosystems. Ants are down there running the show.”
A 400-year taxonomic challenge
Andersen started collecting ants 40 years ago, and his collection – and those of many others – is housed at CSIRO’s laboratory in Darwin.
Even among these ants – almost all of which are unique to Australia – only 1,500 have been formally named by taxonomists. The collection is one of the largest on the planet.
When scientists such as Andersen use new techniques to discover the true diversity among organisms, it throws up a major challenge for taxonomists – the scientists who painstakingly describe new species and then publish the details in journals.
Prof Andy Austin is the director of Taxonomy Australia. He says hyper-diverse groups of fauna – such as ants – are ushering in a quiet revolution for the profession.
Traditional methods of drafting detailed descriptions, drawings and creating flow-charts, known as keys, to identify one species from another are impractical when new scientific methods offer up thousands and thousands of new candidates.
“You can’t keep doing traditional taxonomy that was developed a hundred or more years ago,” he says.
Austin himself has described about 650 new species – mostly wasps – but it took up most of his 40-year career.
“For Australia, we describe about 1,200 species a year of all organisms. It would take you 400 years to finish all Australia’s biota, and that’s unacceptable for so many reasons.”
He says the new breed of taxonomists are using new techniques, such as describing new species using imaging and genetic data that’s automated. That puts the challenge of describing thousands of new ant species within reach.
“We can’t ask sensible questions about our flora and fauna until we know what’s actually on the continent,” he says.
As the climate changes and land-clearing continues, “there are probably going to be species that go extinct before we get a chance to document them.”
Yon February 1997, at midnight, I was riding my pushbike through a park on my way to Canberra’s city center when I somehow became sprawled on the ground, my palms bloodied and covered in gravel. Earlier I had been drinking with friends; now, so it seemed, a fence had come out of nowhere.
Every week that summer I had been going to Heaven, Canberra’s only gay nightclub. I had told no one about my nocturnal adventures. Nor had I met anyone. I had grown up listening to the Cure, not Madonna. Rather than go shopping, I could talk for hours about the Irish novelist Colm Tóibín. Sitting around a campfire was my thing, not pumping weights.
“Go home,” I told myself. “This is not for you. And you’re drunk.”
But, driven by a subterranean need, I picked myself up and kept going.
Half an hour later, a figure, slim and lithe, appeared on the dance floor. Doc Marten boots. Tight black jeans. A black, ribbed top, the sort Depeche Mode would have worn in their younger years. Bleached blonde hair. and he had moves. (I danced like a robot whose batteries were running out.)
Two weeks later, Tim moved into my flat.
Two months after that, we brought home a Dalmatian puppy.
During our third year together, we bought a car. Then a house.
By 2002, however, it became obvious that we were two very independent people. Claustrophobia had set in. The relationship ended.
Although I was now 32, I wanted to have another go at the gay scene. I did not want to meet anyone; I wanted to go home with guys and not exchange phone numbers, or even names. I lost weight. I wore nightclub clothes – tight white tops and flared denim jeans. I only listened to dance music.
I discovered ecstasy.
In 2003, two friends and I went to Sydney for Mardi Gras. Before the parade we drunk bottles of champagne; we took a pill each. In a car park, a joint. Just before we went through the party turnstiles, we took more pills.
Minutes later, my legs buckled.
As topless men danced around me, abs and pecs lit up by strobe lights, I exited the venue – in a wheelchair.
In the medical tent, a softly spoken doctor laid me down on a gurney.
I have held my hand.
Three girls in their late teens appeared; apparently one of them was experiencing hot patches on her brain. Then a man in his early twenties: the medical team laid him on a gurney too. “He’s turning blue,” said one of the doctors. “Call an ambulance.” Twenty minutes later, I heard the same doctor say into his mobile phone from him. “We really need that ambulance.”
All the while, the kind doctor dropped by to hold my hand.
By dawn I could stand again.
“Take care,” said my doctor. “You were as pale as a ghost when you were brought in. We were very worried about you.”
I found my friends.
Down at Bondi, the sun a burning ball over the ocean, I texted Tim and told him what had happened. “I hope you’re OK now,” he replied.
On the train back to Canberra, I listened to Ministry of Sound’s Chillout Sessions Volume 3, bought on Tim’s recommendation. It included an acoustic version of Another Chance by Roger Sanchez, the lyrics little more than the title repeated over and over.
I looked out the window and, in that moment, felt a soft but unmistakable warmth. I knew then that with Tim, I had experienced love. It had been imperfect and, at times, bewildering, but it had also been real.
Three months later, Tim and I got back together. This time we promised each other to take things slow, to see each other every week, but also to respect – indeed encourage – independence.
Twenty years later, that is what we are still doing. We live in towns an hour’s drive apart, and see each other every week.
Our Saturday evenings these days are spent on the couch, a blanket over our legs and torsos, a whiskey glass in one hand and a piece of chocolate in the other, something streaming on the TV. As always, around 9pm, Tim will turn to me and say, “Is it time for bed now, pumpkin?”
When Aunty Denise McGuinness looks up and down Gertrude Street in Fitzroy, she sees her community’s history everywhere.
“Fitzroy’s so significant to Aboriginal people … if you come from Perth, anywhere, you come straight to Fitzroy,” she says.
The inner-Melbourne suburb is now dominated by expensive houses, trendy bars and designer homewares, in recent years garnering a reputation as a hipster haven.
But it’s still home to the large public flats where Ms McGuinness lived as a girl.
Through the 1960s, 70s and 80s, Fitzroy and the surrounding suburbs were a meeting place for Aboriginal people who’d left behind restrictive lives on missions or emerged from state institutions, searching for family links the government had tried so hard to severe.
“We were discriminated against, there was only one pub that would let us drink, and that was the Builders Arms,” Ms McGuinness recalls.
Now, the stories of laughter, tears and powerful civil rights victories born on this part of Wurundjeri land are free for all to hear, through a truth-telling phone app.
Named Yalinguth, after the Woi Wurrung word for “yesterday”, the app follows your GPS location, producing rich audio stories that reveal the recent history of the land you’re walking on.
Wander past the Builders Arms Hotel, and Uncle Jack Charles comes through the headphones, telling you how he discovered Melbourne’s Indigenous community inside as a teenager.
Stroll down to Atherton Gardens, and the late Uncle Archie Roach’s haunting lyrics and story invites you to reflect on the cruel cost of the Stolen Generations.
Further down, by the police station on Condell Street, elders share their memories of racist treatment by the justice system.
Bobby Nicholls, a multi-clan traditional owner with Yorta Yorta, Dja Dja Wurrung and Wotjobaluk connections, says the project is a powerful way of ensuring the legacy of civil rights leaders including Sir Doug Nicholls, William Cooper and Jack Patten are more widely known.
“They came into Melbourne to achieve a lot of things, and one of those things was to ensure that Aboriginal people had equal rights,” he says.
It was on Gertrude Street that the Victorian Aboriginal Health Service was opened in 1973, offering a safe space in an era when stories of racist treatment in health services were common.
“[In Echuca]they used to have the expectant mothers to be out on the verandah of the maternity hospital, so they weren’t taken into the wards like non-Aboriginal people,” Mr Nicholls says.
Ms McGuinness spent two decades working in the community-controlled service, which ran on little more than community passion in the early years.
“Back in those days, we didn’t need the funding that we rely upon now,” the Gunditjmara, Wiradjuri, Yorta Yorta and Dja Dja Wurrung woman says.
“We worked at the health center … three months without a wage, three to six months.
“We still delivered the service.”
Ms McGuinness hopes those who take a walk through the stories offered by elders will gain a deeper appreciation of the struggles her community has endured.
“Get a different understanding and learn the struggles back then,” she says.
Gunaikurnai and Kooma-kunja artist BJ Braybon gathered many of his elders’ stories for the app.
He feels young Indigenous people taking in the stories will find themselves changed.
“It’ll change the young people because it will help them to understand about their elders’ history,” he says.
Yorta Yorta man Jason Tamiru, who helped formally launch the Yalinguth app this week, says the trove of elders’ stories collected on the app represents a chance to become better informed.
“History’s shaped us all, good and bad,” he says.
“Outside of our own community some people have made judgment of us and that judgment is incorrect and there’s been a lot of books, lot of stories and those stories haven’t been always positive.
“You want to hear the truth, you want to hear from the right people.
“Engaging with the app, you’re going to engage with a lot of elders, a lot of people that hold stories and those stories are important.”
You can find out more about the Yalinguth project on its website.
Tambikos Driss and his daughter Grace sleep all year round in the tropical heat of the Northern Territory, besides large industrial fans to save on power.
The single father now limits the days he uses the washing machine, and has stopped cooking food in the oven to keep the bills down.
“Last night I didn’t go to sleep, I sat up all night thinking, how am I going to manage this fortnight,” he said.
Soaring inflation is pushing the cost of living up across the country, with warnings prices will get worse before they get better.
Consumer prices rose 6.1 per cent for the year to June this week, and another interest rate decision is expected on Tuesday.
Mr Driss, who lives in public housing in Palmerston, outside Darwin, said eating meat was now “out of the question”, and he’s buying frozen vegetables to keep his grocery bill down.
“I have my power bill to pay… my groceries, I have a car registration to come,” he said.
“It’s always a worry you know, [thinking]am I going to have enough next week and if I don’t have enough, where do I go?
Mr Driss knows what it’s like to hit rock bottom – at his lowest point he had a stint in prison, after taking drugs and sleeping rough on the streets.
But after turning his life around, and now looking after his daughter who has special needs, he never imagined life “on the right side” would be so hard to keep the lights on and the fridge full.
He called himself a “proud man”, but had been left with no choice but to take offers of free pantry items, like pasta and rice, from a local charity to fill the gaps.
“All I see in the supermarkets is just the prices going up, at some stage people won’t be able to buy,” he said.
Charities hit with a storm of new faces in trouble
Beneath a dark shopping center car park in Darwin’s north, the city’s homeless meet for a hot coffee at the break of dawn each week.
The event is organized by Jamie-Leigh Barnard, who manages the Doorways Program with the Salvation Army in the Northern Territory.
“A lot of our clients are feeling hopeless,” she said.
“They are feeling that there isn’t a way out this current climate and that they are drowning and there isn’t a rescue boat anywhere in sight.”
Working at the coalface of homelessness in the Northern Territory for six years, Ms Barnard said 2022 has been the worst year yet.
She blamed the rising cost of living for pushing more people out of communities onto the street.
“In the last month we’ve seen a 72 per cent increase in the number of clients that have attended our sites in Darwin city, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence,” she said.
Ms Barnard said the price of food in remote communities was “insane” and not sustainable.
“I had a friend who recently went to the Tiwi Islands and a tin of baby formula cost $60.
“So people come into Darwin wanting to get formula, blankets and clothing at a cheaper cost but then they get stuck.”
Adding to the pressure is the decision by some electricity retailers to end COVID-19 moratoriums on overdue bills.
“We’ve seen clients attend our centers with [power] bills of upwards to $5000, and the payment facilities on those bills are exorbitant,” Ms Barnard said.
“We have clients that are at risk of electricity disconnection, eviction, they’re at risk of homelessness … we do all we can but it’s a dire situation.”
Ready to pitch a tent with nowhere to go
Further south in Katherine, Leah Burch and her partner Darrell Lee have been in a race to find a rental property within their budget.
The couple have months to move out of the home they’ve lived in for six years because the owner wants to renovate.
But finding another rental, let alone one that’s affordable, has been near impossible, and the stress has taken its toll.
The couple is preparing for the worst.
“I’m even considering moving into a caravan park and setting up our tent to live in, that’s the way I look at the market at the moment,” Mr Lee said.
Despite the pressure, they still call themselves the “lucky ones” to have secure employment and each other, and don’t know how others on lower incomes are getting by.
“It’s horrible, terrible… the amount of money that people are paying just to have a roof over their head,” Ms Burch said.
“The ones that are lucky enough to be able to afford the rent, it’s enjoyable for them, but you feel for the ones that can’t.”
Photos of Benjamin Shaw are displayed in the Loadsman family’s Cairns home as if he’s a cherished part of the clan — but they never met the larrikin teenager who died five years ago.
They tell youngest child Harper Loadsman, 15-year-old Ben is her angel — the boy who saved her life.
“He lives inside of you,” Harper’s mum Jana Loadsman says.
The seven-year-old, one of five children, listens intently as she’s told “Ben stories” — how he loved playing rugby league and the North Queensland Cowboys. How he would make people laugh with his irreverent sense of humor and how he gave her a priceless gift in 2017 — apart from his liver.
Under laws designed to protect both families’ privacy, DonateLife Queensland is unable to confirm whether Harper received Ben’s liver.
But through an extraordinary twist of fate, family and friends who were connected on Facebook were able to solve the mystery and bring the families together.
In May, their detective work culminated in Harper being a flower girl at the second marriage of Ben’s dad, Scott Shaw, to long-term partner, Brei Milne.
For Mr Shaw, the knowledge that his son’s liver saved Harper’s life has helped him through the darkest of days without his beloved only child.
“He was just the best kid,” Mr Shaw says proudly, describing the day his son came into the world as unquestionably the best day of his life.
“He was loud, brash, had a devious sense of humour, a real cheeky smile.
“I still miss him every day. I couldn’t imagine a life without him.
“I wanted to check out — but following Harper’s journey, it sustains me.
“I count it as one of the things that probably kept me going because I don’t know where I’d be now if I hadn’t had that. That was like a rescue.
“It gave me hope.”
Ben was declared brain dead in the Queensland Children’s Hospital intensive care unit at South Brisbane several days after he was bench pressing almost 100 kilograms unsupervised at the Pine Rivers Police Citizens’ Youth Club. The bar slipped, crushing his neck. He was not found by staff until about 20 minutes later.
Mr Shaw was in Sydney when his ex-wife phoned and told him to “come home right away”.
Ben, their in-vitro fertilization “miracle”, had been seriously injured in an accident.
He says he knew Ben “was gone” soon after he arrived at his son’s bedside in the ICU.
“It stays with me forever, when they shone a torch in their eyes and their pupils didn’t react, that’s when I knew,” Mr Shaw says, his voice choking with emotion.
“That only happens when your brain’s shut down. His eyes were the eyes of a dead person. Nothing will ever prepare you for it.”
When doctors confirmed their worst fears later that week, it was not a difficult choice for Ben’s parents to donate their son’s organs.
Their hearts breaking, Ben’s mum and dad said in unison: “What about organ …” and then they stopped.
Without finishing the sentence, they both knew what they wanted to do without any discussion.
Ben would become an organ donor, in keeping with his generous spirit.
‘She’s going to make it’
Later that day, after getting “the call” for Harper’s transplant, as the Loadsmans drove into Brisbane from their then home at Cabarita, in northern NSW, they were greeted by a sky lit up with fireworks.
“It’s a sign,” Jana Loadsman said at the time, clinging to anything she could show that her daughter would be OK.
In her world, rainbows had always been a symbol of positivity.
Looking at her husband Shane, Harper’s dad, she told him: “She’s going to make it. Look, there’s the rainbows.”
At the same time, Ben’s bed was turned to face the windows and fireworks on his last night, machines keeping his heart beating, surrounded by grieving family and friends.
The next day, Mr Shaw read his son a children’s book they shared when Ben was little — Guess How Much I Love You.
Then, holding Ben’s hand one last time, he walked beside his son’s bed as it was wheeled down the corridor towards the double doors of the Queensland Children’s Hospital (QCH) operating suites.
“So long, buddy. I love you,” he says.
But as the fifth anniversary of Ben’s death nears, Mr Shaw prefers to focus on his last memory of his son as “a functioning human being”.
The weekend before he died, they watched the rugby league together, Ben’s team the North Queensland Cowboys triumphing, and enjoyed their first — and last — beer together.
“I love you, Ben, I love you mate,” Mr Shaw tells his son, giving him a hug.
“I love you too, Dad,” Ben replies.
That night is etched in Mr Shaw’s memory as a “beautiful” time with his son.
“It started out as just a very ordinary night – a dad and his boy watching the footy,” Mr Shaw says.
“It’s become a very important night to me. We had a great time together.”
A week later, Mr Shaw watched the rugby league alone as he mourned, the television news updates showing images of Ben after journalists were advised of the teenager’s death.
On the other side of town, at the QCH, Harper was beginning her long recovery from the liver transplant that would see her in and out of hospital for months.
She was not yet three years old.
Her mum chronicles her journey on the Hope for Harper Facebook page and through “a friend of a friend”, Mr Shaw serendipitously learned of the little girl who received a liver transplant in the same hospital and on the same day his son became a donor.
In those early days, the families first connected via Facebook Messenger.
“She didn’t have much time left, poor little thing,” Mr Shaw says, recalling the photos of Harper before her transplant, her skin tinged yellow because of her liver disease.
Without a new liver, doctors feared Harper would not have survived beyond early childhood.
Soon after birth, her parents were told their youngest daughter was unlikely to live beyond six months after being born with serious health issues — a chromosomal abnormality and biliary atresia, resulting in blockages in the tubes that carry bile from the liver to the intestines.
As Ms Loadsman contemplates the enormous gift Ben—and his parents—have given her daughter, and her family, she talks of ongoing feelings of grief for their huge loss.
‘I’m a really emotional person and it was hard for me to fathom the fact that somebody had lost somebody and saved my daughter in the process,’ she says.
“And especially when we later found out that Ben was an only child – an only child saved my fifth child –and then I felt: ‘Oh God.’ It’s quite overwhelming.
“I think we’re all still quietly traumatized. All of us, we’ll always grieve for Ben.”
It’s a burden, Mr Shaw does not want the Loadsmans — or any other recipient families — to carry.
“It’s only recently Scott actually said: ‘You’ve got to stop grieving for us. You’ve got to let this go, Jana,'” Ms Loadsman says.
“You’ve got to be so thankful and just love that little girl in every part. We’re OK.”
From their first interaction the year after the liver transplant, the relationship between Harper and Mr Shaw has been heart-warming for both families.
On the first anniversary of Ben’s death, the Loadsmans drove from Cabarita to the home Mr Shaw shares with Brei at Taigum, in Brisbane’s north, for the families to meet. Harper got out of the car, yelled Scott’s name, and ran into his arms from him.
“She just grabbed him around the neck and squeezed like you cuddle your dad,” Ms Loadsman recalls.
“Her spirit knows. It’s the most unbelievable thing. Those two have the most incredible, spiritual bond. To see them together, it’s just beautiful.”
On May 7, wearing ballet slippers, a party dress and with a crown of flowers in her hair, Harper was a flower girl as Mr Shaw married Brei, his partner of 15 years.
“She came running out yelling: ‘Uncle Scott, Uncle Scott, yay,” he says.
“Seeing that little face light up when I turned up was really special.
“She seems to be quite drawn to me and wants to be with me whenever I’m around and loves hanging out with me.
“She’s a little angel, she really is.”
After the nuptials, they lit a candle in memory of Ben.
“We said that while it’s sad that Ben isn’t with us, part of him is with us in Harper,” Mr Shaw says.
“It was important to acknowledge our loss, but at the same time, I don’t think it detracted from the sense of joy of the day, because it was a great day.”
Ben, who attended Bray Park State High School, was one of 510 Australians who donated organs after their deaths in 2017.
Last year, 421 Australians donated organs after death, including 91 Queenslanders, the COVID-19 pandemic impacting numbers.
DonateLife Queensland manager Tina Coco urged Australians to use DonateLife week, which ends today, to consider joining the Australian Organ Donor Register and to ensure their loved ones are aware of their wishes.
She says four out of five Australians support organ and tissue donation, but more than 13 million Australians aged 16 and older have not yet signed on to the register.
Ms Coco says while social media is resulting in more donor and recipient families meeting than in the past, privacy legislation prohibits health professionals from facilitating contact.
“We’ve seen some very positive connections between donor families and transplant recipients and that’s been lovely,” she says.
“But there’s also been some unhappy occasions.
“It is a unique experience for everyone. People are different, families are different.”
After years spent in and out of hospital, Harper Loadsman proudly started school this year in Cairns — her every achievement providing solace for Ben’s dad.
“We don’t have Ben but I’m looking forward to seeing Harper grow up,” Mr Shaw says.
The Loadsmans plan to stay in close contact, describing the Shaws as family, and will continue to tell Harper “Ben stories.”
“Ben will live in everything we do,” her mom says.
“He’s part of us.”
To sign on to the Australian Organ Donor Register visit their website.
Francine Nunnari admits jumping into a freezing cold ice bath on a crisp winter’s morning sounds “crazy.”
“Who would want to start doing ice baths in the middle of winter? I really thought it would just be me.”
But, to her surprise, a growing group of like-minded strangers have started joining her to brave the cold every Wednesday morning in New South Wales.
“It’s turned into something quite beautiful, meeting up with the community and pushing through self-limitations,” Ms Nunnari said.
Port Macquarie Beach, Breath and Ice Group gather at Port Macquarie’s popular Flynns Beach before sunrise.
Ms Nunnari guides them through peaceful, yet important, breathing exercises before preparing for the ultimate challenge.
“Cold represents stress; it’s a form of stress that a lot of us don’t like,” she said.
“It’s about facing a challenge rather than turning away from it.”
Each group member has a different motive for waking up at the crack of dawn and pushing their boundaries, but many said it was to improve their mental and physical health.
“You feel it physically, but really dealing with [the cold] is good for my mental health,” Hendo Longstaff said.
“For me, one of the biggest challenges was doing this form of practice in a community environment when I normally hide at home.”
A family challenge
For Michelle Jordan, the early morning meet-ups are a family activity with her husband and children.
“I find it a real challenge,” Ms Jordan said.
“I feel like I’ve achieved something and it’s building up more resilience in being able to do hard things.”
Her young daughter, Samaya, felt the same.
“It helps me get through the week and it feels nice afterwards,” she said.
Following the ice exposure, group members run into the ocean, which feels like a warm bath in comparison to the ice.
Not for everyone
Ice exposure and cold-water therapy was made popular by Dutch athlete Wim Hof and is practiced around the world.
Queensland University of Technology senior lecturer Jonathan Peak has conducted research on cold water immersion for athletes and said he understood why it was becoming popular within small communities.
“Initially there’s a little bit of shock when you get into the ice baths,” Dr Peak said.
“There’s the slowing of the heart rate and the activation of a sense of relaxation.
“What I think is happening is the cold-water immersion is putting these people into a meditative state.”
Dr Peak said more research was needed on its effects and potential risks for the general population, and recommended anyone with a pre-existing heart condition consult a health professional before participating.
Attendees feel ‘invigorated’
Group members aimed to submerge themselves in the bath for two minutes, yet local resident Ian Goldspink endured the ice for four.
“It felt invigorating — I loved it,” Mr Goldspink said.
For surf and yoga teacher Lauren Enfield, immersing herself in chilly water is a daily occurrence.
“I get a lot of ‘stoke’ in my life through surfing, through yoga, through nature, through family,” she said.
“An ice bath is something different, so it gives me the same sense of joy and release all day but I’ve done it in a different way that’s challenging.”
Ms Enfield believed other regional communities should embrace the weekly ice bath catch-ups.
“I think communities can benefit, not only from that changing mindset, but the gathering of the community,” she said.
Ms Nunnari could not agree more.
“Healing comes from connection,” she said.
“I can see this happening within the workplace, in schools, within every community and micro community.”
Ms Nunnari added that she had seen clear benefits.
“There’s the challenge, there’s the resistance, there’s overcoming that, pushing self-limiting beliefs, self-awareness, all of that,” she said.