Today I was minding my own business, trawling the internet for interesting hotels when I came across the formidably named Special Hotel ‘Crazy’ on booking.com.
And I would like you to come on a wild, frightening and mind-boggling journey with me as we drink in the photos from this utterly bizarre themed hotel on the outskirts of Moscow.
(The words “kiss”, “love” and “sex” give a not-so-subtle hint as to what this room is all about. That’s right: crosswords.)
Oh wait, we have more clues. Turns out there’s a bath on a tiled roulette wheel in the other corner. It’s a Vegas-themed room I guess? Also love the curtain in the corner, for a window that is probably very much wished for, but doesn’t exist.
One of my worst nightmares is entering a hotel room to find someone “in character” in the room. As such I find many of these images rather triggering.
Oh god, no room is safe. REFUND! REFUND!
My friend from primary school had Italian grandparents and I swear their bedroom in the 1980s was the inspiration for this particular room.
It’s particularly charming how nobody quite knew where to put the television.
“I know, let’s put it right next to the very eye-catching reverse cycle airconditioning unit.”
This is either some kind of medieval inn vibe, or a ski chalet, or an Early Settler Furniture showroom.
Oh wait, no, *that* is the ski chalet.
The soccer room is very well done. Especially the way they have strung 900 lights up on the ceiling so you feel like you are in the middle of a stadium. It’s very relaxing.
I finally see what hotel rooms have been missing: A mosaic-tiled face that judges you while you’re on the toilet.
Imagine you accidentally booked this with a colleague on a work conference …
… Somebody is calling HR first thing on Monday morning.
To the right is the door you run screaming through.
Another one that is slightly difficult to nail down. Parisian brothel from a rather poor neighbourhood?
Ohhh… it could be an old-timey dress shop. Or a visual merchandising training facility.
This must be the Presidential Suite, because that room has an actual window. Doesn’t even matter what the theme is. Window! We’ll take it.
… on second thoughts.
Another thing we didn’t realize hotels had been missing until now – port holes in the bathroom so you can keep an eye on your partner at all times.
This has just the right amount of kitsch to actually work. Crank that big old oil heater up and pretend you are in the Maldives instead of on the outskirts of Moscow.
Okay what have we here? Are we in Nepal? India? In a wooden crate filled with items bound for an Ishka store?
Oh, we’re in the Karma Sutra room. Don’t look too closely at the images on the wall, children.
This must be the budget room. Geez it looks nice and peaceful.
So it seems the directions to the rooms are done in the style of an airport terminal? Don’t hate that. Points for originality.
It actually turns out, upon further investigation, that “the style of the individually decorated rooms represent different countries and cities”.
So you have the “Royal – Moscow” room, the “Inquisition – Madrid” (oh so *that’s* what that was all about), and the “Sports – London” for example.
Imagine spending a week there and traveling the world through their different themed rooms.
Pop that on your travel bucket list.