There comes a time in a man’s life when he wants to try and recapture aspects of his youth, and in the case of my partner Tom it has come now – at the age of 35.
He is really acting out some of the worst moments of his teenage years and I don’t know what to do with him. He goes out drinking with his work buddies on a Friday night and I am never invited. He wakes up the next morning with a shocking hangover and it happens every week without fail.
A few weeks ago, he was throwing up all over the bathroom floor after one of his Friday night “boys’ nights” – but I wonder if it’s just his friends or whether there are women too. He often reeks of women’s perfume and laughs it off by telling me he was in a crowded pub. Not exactly COVID-safe, but I’d say Tom doesn’t really care about anyone but himself.
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Our daughters think their dad is adorable and funny but they don’t know what he puts me through. My mother said it’s a practice run for me for when I really do have teenagers in the house.
He called me recently around 2am, saying he needed me to pick him up. His mates from him had left him alone, he was drunk and could n’t find his wallet from him, and he clearly was too drunk to realize his bank card from him was on his phone from him, so he demanded I pick him up .
This was not ideal for me as it was the night before I had a big presentation at work. Let’s just say I was not impressed.
The next day he tells me he had no memory of even calling me, so that’s how drunk he was. I’ve read him the “riot act” so many times and it goes in one ear, out the other.
I’m really losing patience with him. I do love him very much but I deserve better than a man who still acts like a big kid.
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I’ve told him he’s not setting a good example for our children and he agrees. He promises to stop partying so much, but then weeks later he will be out again behaving like a teenager. He even got into a fist fight with a work colleague who was also off his face at the time. I’ve had enough!
I spoke to a wise friend of mine who said I need to give Tom an ultimatum: either he shows up as a committed husband and father and quits the drinking and big social life, or he leaves.
I don’t think I want to be that harsh, but I do need to let him know that I can’t cope with the endless worry about him. What if he gets into a fight when he’s drunk and there are serious injuries? I get into a panic when I wake up early on a Saturday morning and he isn’t in bed with me. This isn’t something I should be going through when I’m already so stressed juggling work and two kids.
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