It was either the Dalai Lama or Shania Twain who once said, “OK, so you’re Brad Pitt? That don’t impress me much”.
But Brad Pitt is not the kind of guy who cares about impressing the Dalai Lama and Shania Twain. He knows he impresses everyone else. That’s why he’s now taking confident strides into the next era of his life from him and embarking on a style revolution.
The 58-year-old has been hitting the red carpets over recent weeks for the premiere of his new movie Bullet Train while rocking a distinct new lewk.
The key fashion elements? Cakes and skorts.
Classic. Timeless. Sophisticated. I wore the same thing to my formal school.
Brad has entered a new phase. Throughout his career, he has transitioned smoothly from Hollywood heart-throb to bona fide movie star. Now he’s keen to explore the territory of eccentric artist.
And, look: We’ll accept Brad Pitt any way we can get him. He has reached a point where he can do whatever he wants and we’ll continue to take him seriously.
In the past, the actor has been accused by memes of stealing his girlfriends’ styles. He cut his hair like Gwyneth Paltrow when the pair dated in the ’90s. I borrowed Jen Aniston’s sea salt spray in the 2000s. And when he started dating Angelina, it seemed the pair made frequent trips to the blow bar together.
But his latest style revolution is truly one to behold. Is he simply being an eccentric artist? Or has he suddenly slipped into competing with the TikTok kids?
Whoever thought we’d see the day where Brad Pitt is trying to keep up with the internet’s boyfriends Timothée Chalamet and Harry Styles — with their flamboyant fashion choices of crushed velvet and bold statement patterns.
In Berlin I rocked a pink shirt, combat boots, and kilt. Then he brought a burst of color to LA with a green suit and yellow sneakers. Other appearances have seen him donning zip-up tops, relaxed jacket-shirts and baggy drawstring pants in a variety of pastel hues.
Asked about the skirt and his latest sartorial explorations, the actor simply replied: “I don’t know! We’re all going to die, so let’s mess it up”.
He makes it sound like there’s not much thought going into it at all – that he’s just taking life as it comes. But coordinated pastels don’t just happen. Co-ordinated pastels are achieved through many meetings with stylists who strategize with Pinterest boards.
For us regular people, you get to a certain age where it’s just too late for a style revolution.
When you’re younger, you can experiment with looks and people. But by the time you reach your 30s, you’ve pretty much settled into who you are. Your style is as predictable and expected as Bart Simpson’s blue shorts and orange shirt combo.
A style revolution doesn’t just affect your own life. It rocks the worlds of everyone around you. Like, imagine if your dad just started wearing accessories.
Or if your mum became one of those annoying people who really overcommits to 1950s rockabilly fashion.
Even a colleague. If your middle-aged boss waltzed into the office tomorrow morning wearing a bowler hat, it would throw the workplace off its axis. No deadlines would be met that day. The pings would be going insane.
It takes a certain kind of confidence to wake up one morning and decide on a whim that you’ll now become Bowler Hat Guy. And it’s foolish to think that the rest of the world will accept it without comment.
Remember when Karl Stefanovic shook up his personal life a few years ago and went through his own style revolution by trying to be Matthew McConaughey with a fedora and braided leather bracelets? We all had a field day.
A style revolution is only for the brave. Like those women who decide they’re going to exclusively wear purple until the end of time. They dedicate their entire lives to purple like it’s a religion. Suddenly, their entire wardrobes are a patchwork of magenta and violet. Amethyst. Lilac, plum and mauve.
They usually also get a purple streak in their hair. Then paint the front door of their home a glossy shellacked purple. If you spot one of these women in the wild, follow them to the car park and you’ll find she probably drives a purple Honda Jazz.
It goes without saying Brad’s new style revolution would be tipping his ex Angelina Jolie over the edge. Her mates of her will have been texting her relentlessly after every red carpet appearance of her: “Did ya see the skort?”
Seeing an ex move on with their life is annoying enough. But seeing an ex go through a style revolution? Enraging. Who the hell do they think they are?
In Australia, a style revolution of Brad Pitt’s scale just wouldn’t fly. Russell Crowe? The country couldn’t handle it. We as a nation will only ever allow Rusty to wear that one black Best & Less tracksuit.