“I booked two features during icarly that I had to turn down because the icarly team wouldn’t write me out of episodes to go shoot them,” McCurdy writes in her new memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Diedclaiming producers would stuff Grande’s character in a box so that she could miss filming, Page Six reports.
“Are you kidding me,” McCurdy recalls thinking. “So I have to turn down movies while Ariana’s off whistle-toning at the Billboard Music Awards? F**k. Este.”
the best player actress, 30, admitted that once Grande, 29, was allowed to ditch filming, she snapped.
“I’m pissed about it. I’m pissed at her. Jealous of her. For a few reasons,” she writes. “So now, every time she misses work it feels like a personal attack. … From that moment on I didn’t like her. I couldn’t like her.”
icarly ended its original run in 2012, and Sam & Cat ran just one season from 2013 to 2014.
A rep for Nickelodeon did not return Page Six’s request for comment.
Grande has not publicly responded to the excerpts from McCurdy’s memoir.
the rest of the Zoey 101 alum’s book is filled with heartbreaking anecdotes about her battle with bulimia and her strained relationship with her mother and Nickelodeon.
McCurdy writes that after departing the kids’ entertainment network, she turned down a $300,000 offer that would require her never to speak publicly about her experiences there.
Jennette defends shocking memoir title
McCurdy is also standing by her decision to name her memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died.
“I get that it’s attention-grabbing but it’s also something that I mean sincerely,” she said of the title during an interview on good morning america this week.
She explained that she wasn’t using the title in a “flippant” way and believes that people who have also been abused will understand the point she is trying to convey, Page Six reports.
“While the response might be divided, I really appreciate the positivity that I received from a lot of people,” she said.
“I think that anybody who has experienced parental abuse understands this title and I think anybody who has a sense of humor understands this title.”
McCurdy added that she’s “not so concerned” with the opinions of anybody else, noting that “this book is not for them”.
McCurdy also shared that at times, she still misses her mum, who died in 2013 from cancer. However, she admitted that she would not have written her memoir of her if her mother of her was still alive because she would still have her of her “identity of her dictated by her of her” of her.
“Grief for me toward my mum used to be really complicated. I’d feel angry and confused at why I felt angry that I was grieving her,” McCurdy said.
“I felt like she didn’t deserve my tears and my sadness since she was abusive, but it simplified in a really relieving way and now feels like I’m able to just miss her. I think that is only possible because of the healing that happened through the writing of the book.”
Throughout her tell-all book, McCurdy detailed the abusive behavior her mother allegedly exhibited while she was growing up and during her rise to fame while starring in icarly and the spin-off series, Sam & Cat.
“I start shrinking by the week as Mum and I team up to count our calories every night and plan our meals for the next day. We’re keeping me on a 1000-calorie diet, but I have the smart idea that if I only eat half my food, I’ll only be receiving half the calories, which means that I will be shrinking twice as fast,” McCurdy wrote in the book, ET reported.
“Each Sunday, she weighs me and measures my thighs with a measuring tape. After a few weeks of our routine, she provides me with a stack of diet books that I finish quickly … I weigh myself five times a day.”
McCurdy alleged that when a doctor expressed that she may have had anorexia, her mother denied knowing about any food habits. She also shared that her weight dropped so low that she was using a booster seat in the car at age 14.
The actress also claimed that her mother would bathe her every time she had to shower and conduct “a breast and ‘front butt’ exam,” adding that when she was 16 years old, her mother would even shave her daughter’s legs.
“She says she wants to make sure I don’t have any mysterious lumps or bumps because those could be cancer. I say OK because I definitely don’t want cancer, and since Mum’s had it and all, she would know if I do,” she wrote.
“I usually just try and think of Disneyland when Mum’s doing the exams … By the time the exams are done, a huge wave of relief washes over my whole body and I usually realize that’s the first time I’ve felt my body since the exam started.”
McCurdy wrote that when she started to become famous, her mother began resenting her.
“Fame has put a wedge between Mum and me that I didn’t think was possible. She wanted this. And I wanted her to have it. I wanted her to be happy,” she wrote.
“But now that I have it, I realize that she’s happy and I’m not. Her happiness came at the cost of mine. I feel robbed and exploited. Sometimes I look at her and I just hate her. And then I hate myself for feeling that.”
McCurdy also recalled the time her mother found out she had started dating – but was not yet sexually active. She wrote in her book of her that her mother of her was verbally abusive, calling her a “FILTHY LITTLE LYING WH ** E,” and “nothing more than a little SL * T, a FLOOZY, ALL USED UP”.
Among other abuses, McCurdy claims her mother also lied to her about who her biological father was. She says her eating disorder de ella continued even after her mother de ella died – but she has since sought professional help.
“My mum emotionally, mentally and physically abused me in ways that will forever impact me. She gave me breast and vaginal exams until 17 years old … When I was six years old, she pushed me into a career I didn’t want … She taught me an eating disorder when I was 11 years old – an eating disorder that robbed me of my joy and any amount of free-spiritedness that I had. She never told me my father was not my father,” McCurdy wrote.
“Her death left me with more questions than answers, more pain than healing, and many layers of grief – the initial grief from her passing, then the grief of accepting her abuse and exploitation of me, and finally, the grief that surfaces now when I miss her and start to cry – because I do still miss her and start to cry.”
As well as her toxic relationship with her mother, McCurdy also claims in the book she was offered $300,000 in hush money to not publicly speak about her tenure on Nickelodeon.
– with Leah Bitsky
This story originally appeared on Page Six and is republished here with permission
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